Relationships Before Marriage in the Qur'an

The Qur'an encourages marriage but does not prohibit a relationship with a potential marriage partner.

Part of verse 2:235 refers to marriage stating, 'do not make a promise of marriage to them in secret except speaking an honorable saying'. As is often the case with interpretation of the Qur'an, the meaning becomes clear when considering the full context of the verse. In this case, reading verse 2:234 immediately before this verse reveals that the verses are referring to women whose husbands have died and they are in a 'prescribed term' which has to pass before they remarry:

"Those of you who die and leave spouses behind them, they shall wait four months and ten days, and when they have fulfilled their term, there is no sin on you if they dispose of themselves in a just and honourable manner. God is well-acquainted with all that you do. You commit no error whether you make a hint of marriage or conceal it in yourself, God knows that you will remember them, but do not make a promise of marriage to them in secret except speaking an honorable saying. Do not confirm the marriage until the term prescribed is fulfilled. Know that God knows what is in your minds, so be conscious of Him. Know that God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Forbearing." (Qur'an 2:234-235)

The prescribed term is described as 'four months and ten days' in the above passage. Therefore, verse 2:235 is specifically referring to a ruling of not making promises of marriage to a woman who is still within that refraining period of four months and ten days.

In verse 4:23, a list of women is outlined whom a man is forbidden to marry. Throughout the Qur'an, marriage is encouraged with those whom we are allowed to marry and God vehemently condemns sex outside of marriage (i.e. including fornication). Acts of fornication and adultery are seen as an abomination in the Qur'an.

The emphasis in several Quranic verses are to marry and avoid illicit sexual activities, while encouraging permissible marriage to those whom we desire. In other words, the Qur'an is strict against promiscuity, but does not discourage using our own initiative for finding a suitable marriage partner. The Qur'an does not advocate religious fanaticism of any kind.

In the verse below, God explicitly states that believing males and females are friends to one another. As such, there is no prohibition on good interaction between males and females, and crafting healthy relationships can be a good way of finding a potential marriage partner:

"The believing males and the believing females are friends to one another." (Qur'an 9:71)

How did Prophet Moses find his wife? In 28:23, Moses took initiative by confronting two girls who needed help watering their field. Moses took the opportunity to introduce himself and help the two girls. The girls later went to their father and told him about the young man that helped them. Later, Moses eventually married one of the two girls. Compare this with the contrast seen in much of the modern Islamic world today where gender relations are so strained and fanatic that an act of kindness as simple as this would have been reproached as "immodest".

Continuing on, the following verse encourages marriage but prohibits taking 'illicit partners':

"...not for illegal sexual intercourse or illicit partners. And whoever rejects belief, then his work has fallen, and in the Hereafter he is of the losers." (Qur'an 5:5)

The Arabic word used for 'illicit partners' is AKHDAN, based on the trilateral root letters Kha-Da-Na خ د ن , which according to Arabic Lexicons relates to an 'amorous companion' with a 'sensual appetency'. This kind of companion cannot be equally compared to a committed and sincere relationship between a couple who are intending and aiming for marriage. The verses refer to individuals who engage in illicit and meaningless relationships, or temporary 'lust affairs', which are very different to faithful, loving and committed relationships with marriage as their goal.​

We may ask the question: 'If the Qur'an encourages people to get married, why should a couple remain in a relationship before marriage?' The answer is provided by verse 24:33, in which God acknowledges there are circumstances when a couple are not able to get married immediately, when they are encouraged to abstain:

"And let abstain those who find not marriage until God enriches them out of His bounty." (Qur'an 24:33)

In conclusion, if a couple love each other in a chaste relationship and they are sincere, committed and aiming for marriage like the Qur'an encourages, this is a very permissible type of relationship and is unlike the illicit relationships mentioned in the Qur'an. There are verses in the Qur'an which encourage positive interaction between males and females and allow potential couples to meet up and learn more about each other.

In the situation where a faithful couple have fallen in love with each other, God does not say that they should stop having these affections, nor that they should immediately get married regardless of their circumstances. Instead, God encourages patience, but does not prohibit committed relationships until marriage is possible.

Unfortunately, however, many people claim to be in "love", but are not truly in love. Often, lust is mistaken for love, while the differences between the two are endless. Lust and love are opposites. Lust is a needy energy that takes and consumes, while love is a giving energy that creates and produces. Lust is not the same as the sexual energy. The sexual energy is part of life. However, lust emerges when the human psyche is trapped in addictions to sexual sensations, like the orgasm. In other words, the orgasm is what corrupts the human psyche and causes addiction, hence the enchantment of love leaves since the source of attraction and magnetism is spilled through the orgasm. People think that through lust they can get satisfaction and happiness. Only through chastity comes contentment, happiness, and love.

If the aim of a relationship is for marriage and the couple are committed, sincere and loving, there is no reason why such would not be blessed or approved by God. In the Qur'an, we are advised to avoid both extremes, neither promiscuity, and neither fanatical gender apartheid as seen in many so-called Muslim countries.

Nonetheless, the only requirement is to commit to a spouse through a contract of marriage prior to having sexual relations. This godly structure is designed to restrain lust, as a culture that observes sexual restraint positively embodies cultural achievement and strength.

All that is necessary for sexual contact is a loving relationship and a completed marriage commitment according to the rules laid in the Qur'an. The details of governments, etc. are not at all requirements to be held.

Man is one half and woman is the other half. During the sexual act they experience the joy of being complete. Those who avoid the original sin preserve this joy eternally. May the love of God shower on the perfect couple.

"Since a woman’s body is a passive and receptive element, it is clear that her body collects and stores more of the results of the sexual acts than all of those men who commit adultery with her; those results are atomic substances from the men with whom she has had sexual intercourse. Therefore, when someone has sexual intercourse with a person who has been with another partner or other partners, both then absorb the atomic essences of the other partners and poison themselves with them. This is a very grave problem for those brothers and sisters who are dissolving the “I” because then, not only do they have to fight against their own errors and defects, but more over, they have to fight against the errors and defects of those other partners with whom they had sexual intercourse." —Samael Aun Weor

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